LOVE AND RELATIONSHIPSPosted by Category: Newsletter
Written by Barbara Scott
These are trying times when many people are scrambling to find their true mate who will go through what appears to be tough years ahead regarding both physical and spiritual life. In addition to the bad economy, unemployment, and government encroachment of our lives and liberty, it seems our “spiritual alarm” is sounding the call to our true purpose. More and more people are being called into service in the healing arts, community and national activism, and the sharing of information, as never before. Who are we and what is our own personal purpose? With whom will we journey during the coming times?
Many single people are feeling more compelled to find a mate and people in marriages and committed relationships are feeling the need to leave if their relationship is not providing like minds and support to do the work they feel is necessary according to the calling of Spirit.
So we might ask ourselves, what are the qualities I desire and require in a relationship? What are the characteristics I am looking for when choosing a mate? Am I emotionally fit to be in a committed relationship? (i.e., Have I done the work necessary to be well-balanced, grounded, and maintain personal boundaries and personal integrity?) Do I desire a mate or do I feel a need for a one? Am I ok with being single?
For all of you singles out there, what are the red flags you recognize when meeting another? How often do you tell yourselves that their annoying habits and idiosyncrasies are endearing or that you can change them once you are married to them? How often do you hear yourself say, “Oh, but he/she has such potential?” How often do you feel that you can’t be yourself if you want to keep this person in your life?
Regarding a possible significant other having potential, that’s wonderful. Tell them to reach their potential and come back to see you when they have done so. Also, if you can’t truly be yourself with this person, they are not for you. If you try to discuss things that are of interest to you and you notice their eyes roam around the room or they start fidgeting with their cell phone or hair, etc., you know you this person is not for you. If you notice that the way they treat others does not correspond with your sense of personal integrity, this person is not for you. If you think you can change them, you can’t. Never go into a relationship thinking you can change someone. If you try, that person will only end up resenting you or leaving. If the person has no sense of the spiritual, they are not for you. If they are not socially conscious and politically aware, they are probably not for you because in order to journey through the coming times we will all need to be spiritually and politically aware so we know what we are dealing with and what our goals should be.
For all of you who are married or in committed relationships, these are times when we are seriously questioning the value of staying committed if we find that each of our paths have diverged to a point where one or both partners might be held back in one way or another. Perhaps the children have grown and/or there is nothing left to accomplish, or there is no commonality left in the relationship. Mainly, what if there is no support from the other in any way that might promote further growth? We never stop growing and as we age and our physical responsibilities change, there is more time to pursue other goals. Does wifey or hubby object to the time spent at yoga class? Do they laugh at or scorn your interest in new ways of thinking and doing? It is so difficult to contemplate the unknown when deciding to leave and I can tell you from experience that it will pass. Choosing freedom vs. security is pretty scary. We just have to be honest with ourselves and speak to the other about our feelings and desires. If there is support, there is hope. If there is not, then you have a important decision to make. Stay or go but continue being true to yourself.
In closing I want to say that I am a firm believer in marriage and committed relationships. The one sure way to know ourselves is through the other as they will always show us exactly what we like and don’t like about ourselves.
Having said that, I hope you choose the love of yourself over the love of anyone else in the world. I do not mean selfish or indulgent love. I mean enough love for yourself that you will always choose what is best for your soul and its goals.
Where there is unattached love, support, commonality, and spirit, there is the possibility of greatness. Make greatness your goal.
Certified Professional Coach